BADGE

I changed as a man, as a person, my soul was damaged beyond repair.
So I turned into someone everyone would hate.
Because I hate everyone and everything.
I’m furious at the world.
I don’t see that changing anytime soon.
But then it does change.
And if there is one thing I am not good at, it’s adapting.

Hope, Bullseye’s daughter, jump starts my soul again.
I hate it.
I love it.
I need her.
But I can’t have her.
She’s my friend’s daughter, for one.
For two, she’s way too damn young for the likes of me.
Three? She’s got a kid.
And everyone knows how I feel about kids.

Vermin. Loud. Annoying.
Wonderful. Beautiful. Precious.
The voice inside my head is stupid.
It wants and wants but I won’t allow myself to have it.
I don’t deserve to have it.
There’s no hope for me.
Even if hope is staring me in the face.
I have to focus on me. My business. I’m on a case.
Women are dying.
And it’s all because of me.
I have to protect what I care about for once in my life.
I failed once and I refuse to do it again.

How can I love her, when hate is all I’ve ever known?